The Adventures of Dil Dil, the Rabbit You Cannot Kill PART 1-Dil GOES INSANE Dil is a cottontail rabbit. Dil hates people. Dil also hates guns, and bows, and cars, and trucks, and vans, and airplanes, and axes, and crossbows, and baseball bats, and fire, and raccoons. He especially hates...Peanut Butter. The worst enemy of all! One day Dil was going to the airport to meet a friend when an airplane squished him. Dil decided that he didn't like airports, but before he could hop away he was run over by a Corvette, then an Explorer, followed by a Safari. He felt insane. Suddenly a raccoon came out from the bush and bit Dil. Dil foamed at the mouth. Dil felt rabidly insane. He went berserk. Now anyone who sees him had better beware-he is unkillable. And he now knows the isness. PART 2-Dil MEETS P.B. AND FAN Dil is a cottontail rabbit. Dil hates people, and guns, and bows, and cars, and trucks, and vans, and airplanes, and axes, and crossbows, and baseball bats, and fire, and raccoons. He especially hates...Peanut Butter. The worst enemy of all! After Dil went insane, he went to a field to eat grass. There he saw a sign that said, "RABBIT SEASON OPEN." Suddenly four people jumped out of the ground; Bil, Wil, Lil, and Peanut Butter! Bil shot Dil with a bow. Then Wil shot Dil with a crossbow. Then Lil shot Dil with a bazooka. Finally Peanut Butter jumped on Dil and made him sticky. More than anything, Dil hates being sticky! Dil felt sticky and insane. Dil also felt nutty. Wait! There's someone else here too! It's Fan the fan! Why's he here? Fan began to blow on Dil at maximum speed. The Peanut Butter became hard. Now Dil is the smallest statue in Peanut Butter Park. PART 3-THE INVASION Dil was still the statue in Peanut Butter Park. Dil hates Peanut Butter. The worst enemy of all! Dil also hates all that stuff I said before. And...Fan. The fan. Fan the fan! Dil is insane. He thought about what Peanut Butter and Fan the fan did to him. He hates being sticky! Dil felt rage. He also felt thirsty. Dil finally broke free of his hard and sticky prison and ran to the lake. He tried to drink the water, but it was hard. Dil felt deranged. He tried again. Now he felt bizarre. He slammed his head on the ice. No! Nothing happened! Dil felt nauseous. He threw up on the ice. It melted to water! Yes! Then a UFO landed on Dil. Dil felt strange. Then some aliens came out and pointed guns at Dil. No! Peanut Butter guns! Suddenly the leader came out. It was Fan the fan! When Dil looked up, he saw that he was on Peanut Butter Planet. It was awful! Peanut Butter everywhere! Then Fan the fan blew Dil into a Peanut Butter pit. Oh, no! Poor Dil! PART 4-Dil IN SPACE You want to know what happened to Dil, don't you? Well, you're late! The last time you were eating, Dil had the biggest adventure of all. And you had to eat! You and your food! Grumble... grumble... fine! I'll tell you. Dil is a Peanut Buttered cottontail rabbit. Dil hates people. Dil also hates spaceships, and ray guns, and lasers, and X-rays, and gamma rays, and Peanut Butter rays, and aliens, and Peanut Butter Planet, and... Fan! The Peanut Butter! The fan! Fan the Peanut Butter fan! While Dil was getting fat from falling through peanut butter, he found a spacecraft and went inside it. No! It was a Peanutbutterian space peanut! Suddenly the door shut and a Peanutbutterian alien appeared. It zapped Dil with a stun ray. Oh! Dil hates stun rays too. Dil was stunned. He felt rabidly stunned. He was so rabidly stunned that the rabid stunnedly stunned the rabid isness that rabid his stunness, which released him from his rabid stunnedness. Dil bit the Peanutbutterian and ate him. But Dil hates peanut butter, so he bit the spaceship and it crashed. Dil felt insane. Then Bil, Lil, Phil, and Fan the fan all bit Dil. Dil felt queasy. Dil barfed on Bil, and Lil, and Phil, and Fan. But Fan blew it back on Dil. So Bil, Lil, Phil, and Dil were disgusted. Then Fan blew them all to China after frying them in laser, X-, and gamma rays. PART 5-Dil IN CHINA Dil is a peanut butter cottontail rabbit. Dil hates Peanut Butter. And Fan. He also hates pandas, and bamboo sticks, and Peanut Butter Lake, and the USA, and nuclear bombs, and hdkrjgvm the Chinaman. Recently, Dil got blown to China. He landed in the middle of !@$^$@ town 6 feet under. After climbing out of his hole, he looked around and found that there were no fans or peanut butter! Finally, he could rest. Then hdkrjgvm the Chinaman bit Dil. Dil felt overjoyed. Then he kicked Dil. Dil felt bored. Then he punched Dil. Dil felt embarrassed. Then Dil sat on Dil. Dil felt proud. Just then a US bomber dropped a nuclear bomb on Dil. Dil felt leukemiaed. Dil bit the atoms. Dil felt loony. Dil fell into Peanut Butter Lake. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Dil got sticky! Dil sizzled and sputtered like a sausage. Suddenly a panda jumped in the lake and whacked him with a bamboo stick. He sank through the Peanut Butter. PART 6-Dil GETS WARPED Dil's a dumb cottontail peanut-butter-hating rabbit that should have been killed thousands of times by now. But he hasn't. What's he made of anyway? Rubber? Elastic? Styrofoam? No, wait...oh, well. Anyway, Dil hates a ton 'o stuff, but I'm not going to tell you them because you already know and I'm too darn lazy to tell you. So, ha! Stupid panda! Panda whacked Dil with bamboo. Now Dil is at the bottom of Peanut Butter Lake. There he found Seaweed the Weedseed Starweed. Seaweed did not like Dil. So he pulled out a cactus and whacked him with it. Dil felt prickly. So he bit the cactus. Dil felt brick. It was smooth and toasted evenly on all sides. The brick tasted like a penny. That warped Dil to Egypt. PART 7-Dil IN EGYPT Dil is a buttery peanut (er, the other way around) cottontail rabbit. Dil hates stuff. Lots o' stuff. Like light, and pyramids, and mummies, and palm trees, and stone, and eoadfek the Egyptman, and reindeer, and ketchup. And especially Fan. The fan. Fan the fan! And even more especially, Peanut Butter. And even more especially especial, Jar, the king of Peanut Butters! Anyway, Dil fell into Egypt. Dil landed on the pyramid's point. Dil's butt hurt. Dil felt compassion for the stone. But the stone was hard, so it threw Dil into the pyramid. The room was dark. The stone was hard. Suddenly Dil saw a light and a man. Dil ran into the light. Dil was on fire! Dil felt cold. Then Dil felt happy for the man. But...it was eoadfek the Egyptman! Dil burned him. Then the coldness of the fire melted the pyramid. Then the Egyptman turned to ashes. Dil felt burning loneliness. So he started hopping and burning palm trees as he went. Suddenly a mummy popped out of the sand and grabbed Dil. Dil burned mummy. Mummy wrapped wrapping around fire on Dil. Dil blinked. That was all it took to destroy mummy. Oh, no! Dil went out! Then Dil found a herd of reindeer. They were eating some sand. Dil was thirsty, so he bit at a reindeer, but reindeer evaporated before he could chunk. Without warning, Dil's rabid isness came back, so Dil bit himself. PART 8-WILL IT EVER END? Dil bit himself. Dil's rabid isness is back! Oh, no! A drunken misquito landed on Dil. Dil! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! THUD! I HAVE TAKEN OVER. I ARE Dil. Dil NO LIKE ANUNCER. ANUNCER ISNESS RABID-LIKE BARF. ISNESS GOOD. JOIN ISNESS! YES! ISNESS!! NAAAGGGGLEEE!!! WHAT? Boom! NO! I...NOOOOOOO! Boom! Boom! Boom! AYYEEEAH! That'll take care of that stupid rabbit. Oh, hi. I'm Lil, rabbit assassin. I love my bazooka! Hey! Got anything for me to kill? A rabbit perhaps? Thud! Thap! Ketchung! Blip! ISNESS GOOD! JOIN ISNESS! NESS. NESS. NOESSELNOBINSHEIN! Splat! Splutter! Glupick! Nelslen! I, king Jar of Peanut Butter Planet am now supreme ruler of Earth, Peanut Butter planet, and the Spam Collector ClubŪ. Mmmm...Moldy SpamŪ. I'll have one now. Glub. Glub. Nemelles. UURRRP! Gotta love that SpamŪ! Oh! Oh! I'm back! Just then SpamŪ got mad. Mold ate anger, which licked SpamŪ. Dil is paralyzed by atoms. Jar is angry. I am angry. Dil likes SpamŪ. GLIBULINCHOPEBURGER! Oh, no! Pen stretched ink! No! My poor Butternut Bread! PART 9-THE TASTE OF SANITY Firstoff, I think it's time I explain to all the little kids out there that Dil, Lil, Phil, Bil, Jar, Eoadfek, and Fan the fan are, in fact...well, they're...they are...busy. Yeah. Busy. So you won't be able to contact them. I also think it's time I give some background to the characters. So, Here we go! Dil-Dil is a cottontail rabbit. He was born on the 43rd of January 1998. He briefly attended school, was found to be a genius, and finished all courses by the 47th. Then he went insane (explaining the job he has here). Fan the fan-Made in 1996 by Breakdown Industries. Lil-A hired bunny assassin. Drove to opening the business after being attacked by many rabid cottontails at age 6. Attends night school for the "gifted." Bil-Lil's husband. 'Nough said. Jar-CLASSIFIED INFORMATION Phil-A no-talent bum we picked up off the street. Agreed to work for eggrolls. Eoadfek-The prop director. He was lucky to draw the long straw. Now he's gone. Ha, ha! As for the next Dil story, expect more insanity. Sorry for any inconvenience we might have made. Remember that we don't promote craziness, but we do promote selling out! Until next time! PART 10-THE BEGINNING OF A NEW AGE Dil was running away from reindeer when Grandma flicked booger at Dil. Nooooo! Purple! The booger sent Dil to a weird tunnel. With no other choice, Dil falls into the hole in the ceiling. And finds himself in the middle of a Pee Wee Herman set. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! HELP!!! But it was too late. The freaky muppet wanna-bes were on him immediately. Suddenly a ray of hope in the form of Mighty Mouse appeared. Then the big blue couch ate him. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRP! Then Dil used his isness. Dil bit Pee Wee. Pee Wee Wee Peed Dil. Dil felt content. Then Mr. Muffy, the penguin hand puppet, looked at Dil. Dil crushed. Mr. Muffy then used the isness. And Dil used the isness. So isness trashed isness. Finally Dil's isness played Mr. Muffy's isness. Dil is isness up Mr. Muffy. Mr. Muffy decided to join Dil. And so they defeated the Dark Pee Wee Globins. And Mr. Muffy and Dil went into the portal. How ironic! Dil finally has someone on his side! And so Dil solved the mystery of the 2-humped camel wanna-be. Clinton.