PART 11-FALLOUT WITH THE COLLECTORS Dil just got a new friend, Mr. Muffy. Remember that name because you're going to see it a lot. Not in this part, though. Mr. Muffy had to see the doctor today. Something about shooting red beams out of his eyes. Ya know, that reminds me of the time…what? Oh, the story. Okay. Dil was warped. Now where's he going to end up? A cracker factory? No, it's the MEETING PLACE OF THE SPAM COLLECTOR CLUB! AAAAAAAAAAH! Poor, poor, poor Dil. Dil landed in the "meat" grinder. Mmmmmm...spicy salami. Dil felt compact and economical. Then Dil went down the "meat" track to the MEETING PLACE OF THE SPAM COLLECTOR CLUB! JAR=Hello. ROD=Hi. PAM=Hiya! EDWARD BARTHOLAMUE COESTA=Narf! JAR=Want some Spam®? Dil=Gloebelnobinshtein! JAR=What?! NO SPAM?!! RRRRRRRRR! NOW...YOU...WILL...DIE!!! So the encrazed Jar charged at Dil. Dil=Gloenobstininininneddercheese! JAR=AAAARRRRAAAHH! Then Dil knew what to do. All he had to do was...yes, that'd work. And so, Dil clapped his ears twice. And all the electricity went out. JAR=AAAAAHHH! HELP! AAAAAHHH! Dil clapped his ears again. The electricity came back on. And there, in the middle of the room, was the biggest hunk of SPAM that ever walked the earth. SPAM=AARRRRROOOOOOOOOO! The SPAM engulfed Jar with its aura of slime. SLUURRRP! Heh, heh. Slime. Finally Jar is gone! But now there's a new problem. Dil forgot his underwear at home. TO BE CONTINUED. TO READ THE END GO TO www.freakshow.com/kleptomania/crazystory/original/readerimput/humor/Dil#12 OR READ Dil 12. PART 12-ATTACK OF THE SPAM® AAAAAARRRRGGGGG!! The SPAM roared. Then the great SPAM's slime ate ROD. Then it ate PAM. Then HAM. UUUUURRRRRRPPPPPPPP! Oh, no! Looks like Dil is gonna die. Then EDWARD BARTHOLAMUE COESTA shot SPAM with a capgun. And that's when SPAM got iced. So Dil pulled out the electromagneticthingamabobberduhicky and served himself a cup of nice 'n' warm Teriyaki tea. All of the sudden Mr. Muffy appeared. He was fixed! Uh, his eyes, of course. Mr. Muffy knew how to get rid of SPAM. So Mr. Muffy used the isness and got himself a turkey sandwich. No! It was dry! Then Mr. Muffy fried SPAM with his laser eyes. Then ED spontaneously combusted. So they all had a SPAM barbecue! Dil was shipped off to the Rejects' Hospital. PART 13-THE HOSPITAL Dil was rushed to the Bronson Intensive Care Hospital for rejects. Dil felt curious. The people put Dil in room 26. No! It was... (Now I'm sure you're thinking that I'm gonna throw something about peanut butter in aren't you? Well, I am not. So you're all wrong. Ha!) ...Peanut Butter! (Lack of any other good ideas. You understand, right? Right?! Come on!) Dil knew the enemy. So he went to the powder room and got the orange juice that had the secret cart o' milk in it. Remember the A-lumin-o! It might just be the secret to why the monkey sizzled the incoherent diamond trash can. Doctor liD said that Dil was "go-na beh juiced fon." And that ended the reason for the Clinton man to not go the asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdf Oh, sorry! Sometimes everybody needs a little practice. Right, Dilly-Bob? Neokubobulationinthecrescentdimilo! Just then Sam the Neokubobulated butterfly zoomed at Dil and liD. liD became a Detalubobukoen sausage and went to the top prime bestestest worlds fair ever. Peanut Butter went on to play the role of Howard Ketchup in the film "Ketchup to Catsup in 358,968,226 years." But what happened to Dil? He went on to flunk preschool because of a nasty noodle-fighting accident. But, can you really expect that much from a Neokubobulationinthecrescentdimilo? Of course you can! It just might not happen, that's all. And now the Neokubobulation song: Me, me, me, me, me! Okay, I'm done. PART 14-THE ART OF NEOKUBOBULATION Neokubobulation is the act of eating raw sausage with a Sparrow's beak and being able to scorpionize a baby in the 21st century. Not to mention the fact that they can use Teriyaki tea to create statues of stones. PART 15-ATTACK OF THE CHEDDAR CHEESE MAN Dil is running into a bar. His head feels nice. But that might be because of his lobotomy. I heard they spent 72 hours looking for his brain in the ruble. They finally gave up. Oh, no! The bar fell on cheese! Cheese screamed! I screamed! We all screamed for ice cream! Our sponsors didn't think it was good, though, so they gave us cheddar cheese. You can see where this is going, can't you? Just then the scientifically engineered confetti ate the (burp!) cheddar cheese. PART 16-ATTACK OF THE POCHEMON Note: since Pokémon is copywrited, so I'm using alternitive names. Pokémon is Nintendo's, not mine. Gotta fry 'em all! Pochemon! As our hero, Dil continues on his quest to become a Master Pochemon Frier, with Musty, still wanting a replacement trike, and Block, who just sits there. Pikashrew is now over acupuncture pains and zapping well. Oh, no! Who's that? "To reduce the world to devastation, to fry all people in our nation, to prepare the cannibals, Truth and Love, to crash into the stars high above! Brainless! Brainerless! Hot Pocket blowing off at the speed of light, surrender now or prepare to bite! Retard, that's right! Brainerless: Go! Caulking! Brainless: Go! Bentcans! Petershmit: Go! Can of Soup! Dil: Neokubobulationinthecrescentdimilo Car-melon! Musty: That's all good 'n everything, but, where's the frying pan? Ya can't fry Pochemon without a frying pan! PART 17-Dil IN NEW YORK (Dil AND THE LONE HOT DOG) Dil is a cottontail rabbit. Dil hates hot, and dogs, and hot dogs, and Cans of Soup, and ketchup, and catsup, and mustard, and pickles, and relish, and Fan the fan. Poor Dil. Dil was visiting New York. Dil was hungry. Dil saw a hot dog vender. Dil attacked. Dil bit. And foamed. And kicked. Finally the hot dog wagon tipped over on Dil. Dil was splattered with ketchup, and catsup, and mustard, and mannaise, and pickles and Peanut Butter. No! That's not Peanut Butter! It's the Lone Hot Dog. Lone howled at Dil. Dil felt chocolaty. Lone was the very last hot dog. He was green and moldy. Then the mold ate Dil. Then Dil ate the mold. Lone jumped down Dil's throat. Dil whacked himself with a pickle. When Dil finally woke up, he was in Missouri. No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dil hates Misery. PART 18-REALITY CHECK #2 This is Reality Check #2. Reality Check #1 got lost in my drinking mug, so this'll have to do. Please fill out this 20-question quiz truthfully and without looking at the answers coming in PART 21. Ready, set, go! 1. My favorite shampoo is A. Pert Plus B. Pantene C. Smell of the Sewer D. None. I don't take baths or showers. 2. My favorite board game is A. Monopoly B. Sratego C. Sushiland D. Probe 3. My favorite mode of transportation is A. Car B. Bicycle C. Hopping down the interstate on my hands and feet D. None. I just sit there and get fat off of donuts 4. I like to collect A. Stamps B. Coins C. Old catalogues D. Underwear 5. When I was a child, I feared A. Spiders B. Snakes C. Vanilla Wafers D. Peanut Butter 6. Now, I fear A. Spiders B. Snakes C. Clowns D. My spouse 7. My next purchase is likely to be A. Nothing. I don't have any money B. Batteries C. An atomic bomb from Russia because I'm a spy and I'm gonna blow this continent D. An empty pop can 8. My profession is A. Computer programming B. Carpentry C. Kleptomania D. Neokubobulation E. Arson, 'cause I'm a pyromaniac 9. My favorite # is A. 1 B. 2-100 C. 101+ D. E 10. If I was an animal, I would be a A. Lion B. Dove C. Cottontail Rabbit like my hero Dil D. Bill Clinton This concludes the first half of this quiz. For the rest, check out PART 20. PART 19-THE JOKE Dil's mama's so fat, Dil always wins at cards, 'cause his mama always loses them in her chub. PART 20-REALITY CHECK #2-CONTINUED Here we go again. 11. Your favorite meat is A. Hamburger B. Salami C. Raw D. IRS-members 12. I'm so smart, I have a _________ education. A. College B. High school C. 10th grade D. preschool 13. My favorite song I learned in school is A. America the Beautiful B. The Star-Spangled Banner C. Monkey in the Middle D. Down By the Bay 14. When I'm sent mail I A. Open it and read it B. Put it in the back of the pile and open the one in front C. Throw a party and mark this day on the calendar D. Eat it 15. When I see a car go by I A. Ignore it B. Wave "hi" C. Start to drool D. Start chasing it because it's an ice cream truck 16. My favorite part of the Internet is A. The online games B. The interesting articles C. The advertisements D. The getting caught because I was swearing in a chat room and getting kicked off for a week 17. My favorite invention is A. The computer B. The telephone C. The word D. The pooperscooper 18. My favorite genre of books is A. Nonfiction B. Horror C. Sci-fi/Fantasy D. Books about the Funny Farm 19. My favorite candy is A. Tootsie Rolls B. Licorice C. All of it. It's my breakfast, lunch and dinner D. What's candy? 20. I am most comfortable around A. My working/schooling environment B. My girl/boyfriend or by myself C. My relatives D. My invisible friend, Bob E. My matches and a gas tank